What I learned in 2018

2018 was a transformative year for me. I struggled with certain things, but I feel like I have learned more this year than any other year. I want to take the time to write some of it down and share it with the world.

Here’s what I learned:

I love reading books

Previously, I was one of those people who didn’t even read one book per year. You’d be hard pressed to get me to read a book for class. I read articles all day long, but my past experience in school had lead me to believe that I hated reading books. I read because I had to, not because I wanted to, so I never got out of it as much as I could. Reading always felt like work, and I managed to convince myself that anything I could get out of a book, I could more quickly and easily get out of YouTube videos and random articles.

In late 2017, nearly all of the YouTube videos I watched were sponsored by Audible, and every sponsorship came with a sterling recommendation from the video creator. I decided to give it a go, and instead of picking a book like the ones I was obligated to read in school, I chose something more my speed: “The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck” by Mark Manson.

I loved it. I finally realized that books had something to offer. I immediately upgraded from the 1-month trial to the 12-month paid subscription.

In 2018, I decided that if I love listening to books, I should also give actual reading another chance. The only books I had were those that were required for my classes, so I searched for the one that I thought was guaranteed to be the least painful. I dusted off “The Lean Startup” By Eric Ries and was surprised and impressed by how fast I read it. I’ve never been a fast reader (likely because of my lifelong disdain for reading), but I finished the book in a week, something I had not considered possible.

At that point, I decided that physical reading was something that I really needed to get good at, so once again, I made an immediate decision to deepen my commitment to reading by buying a Kindle.

For my whole life, I read fewer than 1 book per year on average. From October to December 2017, I listened to 4 books. In 2018, I simply could not get enough and ended up reading/listening to 36 books, specifically making a push towards the end of the year to hit the 3 books per month mark.

I read more books last year than the rest of my life combined, and I loved every moment of it. Now that I read, I can’t endorse it enough. I feel like every book I read changes my life. Every time I read a book, my picture of the world gets a little clearer, and I’m amazed that even a year after starting to read, the sensation of seeing the light just doesn’t go away. I firmly believe that starting to read was the best thing that ever happened to me, and I plan to continue reading until the day I die.

Stress is good

Everybody struggles with motivation and time management. A year ago, I had conflicting interests. I needed to do well in school, but I also wanted to learn technical skills so I could build a career I wanted and not simply work at whatever job I could get.

My motivation was pushing me in the direction of learning the technical skills that I found interesting and useful. My classes simply weren’t doing it for me, they didn’t feel worth my time, and I withdrew from my classes so I could focus on learning the technical skills that I valued — among them were C++ and Machine Learning.

At the time, I thought I was dropping out and never coming back, but that comes with certain stressors. Some people approve of the idea of a gap year, but very few people advocate dropping out altogether. I knew it was a bold decision that I would have to explain to others, which involved contradicting the widely-held belief that school can only help you. If I failed to convince them that I was making use of my time, then they would think of me as not only stupid, but arrogant. Additionally, I needed to believe for myself that it was a good decision because if I was wrong, then they’d be right, and I would have been stupid and arrogant.

This was the most stressful time of my life, and the only way to deal with the stress was to make dropping out worth it. There was no time to procrastinate. I had to use every second wisely if I wanted dropping out to be the right decision. I got in the habit of listening to my stress and using it productively.

This was my major revelation. Most of my life, when I was stressed, I did whatever I could to ignore it, but this time I was facing it head on.

What came of this is amazing. I was able to get up every day and put in 8 or more hours of work towards learning the things that I thought were useful. Whenever I would start to waste my time, stress would put me back on course. Stress became a source of motivation, even joy, because I knew that whenever I feel stress, hard work and progress would follow. I’m grateful that I have something as powerful as stress pushing me in the right direction.

It’s also worth mentioning that a book that really helped me was “The Willpower Instinct” By Kelly McGonigal. It talks about how humans evolved and how you can use that knowledge to maximize your willpower. I recommend this book whenever I can.

Journaling/writing helps find the answers

Journaling is a tough sell if you don’t already do it. I think a lot of people believe that “journaling is good for you”, but they understand it similar to the way they understand “getting 8 hours of sleep is good for you” and “exercising daily is good for you”. People can’t justify spending time and effort on it when it’s competing for other demands.

Previously, I fell into the camp of people that thought it would be a good idea, but didn’t think it was worth my time. I decided to give it a try when the stress from not being sure if school was worth it started to get too high.

It took a while for me to determine the best way of journaling. Initially, I thought I’d write down everything that I did each day, but that was tedious and not really what I needed. Now, when I journal, it is typically a stream of consciousness that eventually starts to take form into something useful. Journaling is nice because you can really get into all the detail, and since it’s private, you can get to your true thoughts and deal with them in a healthy way. I like to think of it as an honest conversation with myself.

Journaling doesn’t have to be about anything specific, but it can be. It can be free-form or structured. Sometimes, when I’m writing, I like to address an audience. For example, I’m writing this blog post because I want something to commemorate the progress I feel I’ve made this year, but it feels more impactful if I’m putting it out into the world. I’ve also written other things in a similar style with no intent to publish because it helps me work through my thoughts. It doesn’t matter how many people read this because that’s not the point, I like it, and I want to read it. It makes me feel good about what I’m doing and inspires me to keep moving forward.

Other things I’ve written are a letter to myself and a personal goal sheet, which I’ve posted on my wall in front of my desk. I like to get creative and get all my thoughts out in whatever form is best for the situation. Eventually, after writing enough, you end up understanding what you’re thinking. That can be immensely valuable. There have been several times where I stopped writing and immediately got to work because I realized I knew the solution.

The best example of finally coming to an understanding was when I was determining what to do after I dropped out of school. I wrote many journal entries and eventually decided that I wanted to have a degree under my belt. I kept writing and determined that the best way of getting the degree would be to focus all of my attention on schoolwork and to not let myself get side-tracked by the projects that I would rather do.

I found that I was motivated by understanding the material in-depth, so that’s what I aimed to do. When I came back and implemented my plan, I went to more classes than any other semester, and I got better grades than any other semester, both by a large margin. Even though I came back, I consider withdrawing the best decision I’ve ever made because it’s what pushed me to excel.

If you’re interested in starting to journal for yourself, I have one more tip for you. I’ve seen studies out there that say you are best served by handwriting your journals. If you’re considering journaling, you don’t need to listen to that. I have a handwritten journal and a digital journal. I use both pretty frequently. Typing is faster, and you can edit it, which can be incredibly useful. Handwriting slows you down and is less editable, but that can actually be a benefit, especially if emotions are high. You actually have to concentrate on full thoughts, and in the time that it takes to write that thought down, you’ve arrived at a more coherent version of whatever you were about to write. I recommend trying both ways and seeing what works for you in each situation, but if you need to write, just do it and don’t focus on the medium.

You can shape your environment

The most notable difference about my life since last year is my room. I’ve transformed my room to be a part of a system that keeps me focused and motivated.

I actively engage with my system. I move sticky notes around the walls, I write on my calendar and keep a mini-journal visible and accessible at all times. My system reminds me that all my actions have consequences on my long and short term goals, and it gives me the opportunity to make smarter decisions.

In the beginning of 2018, I started developing the first iteration of my system. I felt like I needed more to keep me on track. I needed something to look at and be proud of. It’s hard to be proud of work that I’ve already forgot about, so I started marking my calendar with the time that I worked each day. If I worked long enough, I’d give myself a gold or silver star. When the stars started accumulating, I had something to be proud of.

I also found it motivating to be able to see the specific things that I had done, so I posted the projects and milestones I completed on sticky notes. Similarly, I posted my bad habits on another color of sticky notes so it was easier to remember the things that I still needed to improve on too.

Since the first version, I’ve continued to iterate on my system’s design. Doing homework on a weekly basis is different from working on whatever project I want. Something about “Did a good job on HW 1” or “Did a good job on HW 2” isn’t as motivating as “Finished this amazing project” or “Learned this new useful skill”, so I need to motivate myself in new ways. I’ve since completely changed my entire system, and it’s bound to keep evolving because my situation will change and so will I.

Before 2018, I never used any system. Now, I leverage my system to every day to help myself improve faster than ever before. My system is my superpower.

Conclusion

2018 was a year of tremendous personal growth for me. It started out uncertain, but I figured it out and came out on top. I’ve made great strides towards becoming my best self and consider 2018 by far my best year ever.

Originally published on January 22, 2019.